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It is best to tell the children about the divorce as soon as a decision is made. It is not best to wait until one parent has moved out of the house.

The children should be told by both parents of the decision to divorce. If the children are roughly the same age, they should be told at the same time. If there is a wide age difference, you can still tell them together and then have separate meetings adapting the explanation to the child’s level of understanding.

When informing the children of an impending divorce, the parents should not divulge such details as infidelity and should not blame one parent or the other. A possible approach is to present the divorce as a solution to the family’s problems and an end to the fighting and tension that has filled the home.

Honesty is a crucial element in informing the children of the break up. They should be told their lives will change since they will now have two homes and have to apportion their time between the two households.

The children should be encouraged to talk about their feelings with their parents, friends or counselor.

Do not put the children in a position of choosing one parent over another. If your child has a preference, it will come out at some point during the divorce proceedings. However, you and your spouse should put your children first and do what is in their best interest.

Do not discuss your marital disputes with your children or even in their presence. If you are angry with your spouse, it may be difficult to be sure you don’t discuss him or her around the kids, but is very important that the children not over hear your angry or disparaging comments about the other parent, as it is confusing and can be damaging to them.

Do not send messages to the other parent through your children. They should not be used as prongs. It makes them very uncomfortable to be the messenger.

Do not quiz your children about private business in the other parent’s household. They often feel like the spy when they are asked to report on their parent’s activities.

Assure the children that the divorce is because of a problem between the parents and not because of the children, and that the children are in no way responsible for the divorce, and that both parents still love them and will continue to do so.