Every year, more than one
million American couples divorce. It can be the most exhausting experience a
couple will ever have. For their children, it can be worse. Your child's
world is turned upside down. The parents are at each other's throats and in
the child's mind, he concludes he is the cause of the anger.
While many adults find their
post-divorce lives are better than their pre-divorce lives, this is not the
case for many children. Children often suffer from depression, sleep
disorders, loss of self-esteem, poor academic performance, behavioral
regression and physical and emotional disorders. Children often have trouble
entering into committed relationships of their own fearing the relationships
will end as their parents' did. Therefore, it is imperative that divorcing
parents put their children before the legal battles. This means that you and
your spouse will have to work calmly (without screaming at each other) to
make joint decisions about your children's well being. In the long run, your
children will be the winner if you suppress your anger which you have against
your spouse. Remember your spouse is the parent of your children and you
should never do anything to under mind their relationship unless the children
are in imminent danger.
The longer the parental
conflicts continue, the more serious is the psychological damage to the
children. Many children respond to stress, but turning off their feelings and
walling up their emotions. Those children are deprived of their childhood and
many times find themselves emotional adrift as adults.
It is important for parents to remember that their actions during a divorce
can have long term unintended consequences. For example, a mother who forbids
her daughter from seeing her adulterous father is laying ground work for her
daughter to be distrusting of all men, thus potentially sabotaging the
child's intimate relationships.
Parents must also realize that children often interpret anger between the
spouses as anger at the children. Because a child's emotional health after
his parents divorce is dependent upon his parents' behavior during the
divorce, the separation process is a good time for the parents to reflect
upon the child's well being, and if necessary seek professional help.
Avoiding a custody fight is one
of the most important things a parent can do to ensure their children's well
being after a divorce.
By putting your children first and maintaining a nurturing environment for
your children, you can minimize potentially traumatic problems of a divorce.
Remember, your children come first and you should never do anything to
destroy their relationship with the other parent.
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